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Sex is not only a sensitive but also an essential topic that most people usually shy away from.

Nonetheless, with all the extra caution taken to avoid a public discourse on this very subject, we keep seeing, reading and hearing a lot about sex all around us from various channels on a daily basis.

This article was inspired by an anonymous patients (couple) who sought medical advice as the woman in marriage was overtly scared to have sex with her husband; she had a fear of penetrative sex.

Guess what I found most fascinating?

Every person the couple had personally tried talking to was too shy to help and in other cases when recommendations were made, such recommendations were what I can only describe as  ‘kill a fly with a sledge-hammer’ approaches.

There are lots of sexual disorders which have been described with 40% of females being affected at one point or the other. But this article, “A SUCCESSFUL FIRST TIME PENETRATION” is addressing a specific group.

Here are the 2 groups: 

Group A– A lady with a desire to seek help without involving the partner.

Group B– A couple seeking a solution as a team.

GROUP A is quite easy to address:

• Simply make use of your sex toys (dildo) with liberal use of lubricants.

• The toys come with different sizes starting with a small dilator to bigger toys. 

This process can take a full week to successfully gain maximum penetration and maintain the laxity.

Lubrication is important.

GROUP B, as earlier said, inspired this article and will therefore be our focus.  

The Process/tips:

•Cut fingernails deep to avoid inflicting wounds.

•Adequate lubricants must be available either in oil or gel form.

•Avoid unnecessary exposure of your penis, the sight could be traumatizing initially.


•Be patient and gentle.


1. SEX TALK: This helps to build comfort and understanding. It also helps to engineer the will to trust and explore. Make masterly use of your vocal cords to assure and affirm. Do not forget to creatively build a comfortable atmosphere for the love making.

Couple having Sex talk
Source: Google image

2. FORE PLAY: This is a very essential step for any sexual relationship to become intense. The man in charge should build the necessary trust and confidence the lady will need. It is like an appetizer before the main course; they do not satisfy your urge but make you yearn for more!

•Play with her hair, rub her back and massage her body.

•Make circular motions with your tongue lightly around her body moving from the Lips-neck-ear-breast- abdominal flanks- medial side of the thigh etc

•Whisper softly sweet words to her

•If you hit a point she isn’t comfortable with, gracefully move away. 

3. GLIDING: Rubbing your bodies against each other should be happening simultaneously with little introduction of your body oil to reduce friction and unnecessary heat. You can also show your partner how you want to be touched.

4. FINGER TRACING: Drag your moist hands from one side softly in this pattern: fingers tracing a circle around the nipple on the banks of the areola towards the armpit down the flank of the abdomen over the pubic hair area, still tracing through the medial side of the thigh to jump on the other thigh at the knee (at this point you are sure the legs would be closed on strolling down the entrance), on the other thigh you simply follow the same pattern upward. On getting to the other breast line you switch to your tongue following same pattern and back.

5. EMPOWERMENT: If you both like the idea of Oral sex, this is the time to empower your tongue and soft lips.

6. FINGER ROAMING:  this is the time to remember your available adequate lubricant.

•Rub your fingers on the upper arch of the vagina just like you would pet the owner with your lips trying to keep her distracted by kissing her lips, neck or her breasts.

•Stroke your index finger vertically on the vagina while trying to understand the anatomy and the vagina lips separation.

•DO NOT penetrate, rather go back to your foreplay program. You can do this 2-3 times before proceeding.

•By this time, she will be struggling with stopping herself/thighs from vibrating.

Reassurance is important!!

7. PENETRATION: You proceed with your index finger into the vagina while resting against the upper border of the bone waiting to sneak into the opening. At this stage you definitely do not have a reason to rush, take it easy and slowly at her pace, while kissing and whispering reassuring words to her.

• When your index finger successfully gains entry with the aid of your lubricant, begin thrusting gently with rotational movements while simultaneously using the thumbs to rubs the pubic hair and kissing her body.

• When you sense the index finger seems comfortable enough, you try to introduce the middle finger in that same pattern without totally removing the index finger otherwise you start process again.

8. PATIENCE: After a successful penetration of the two fingers, you remove and try to gain entrance again. After 2-3 successful trials, you can gracefully remove your shorts to penetrate. Afterall, she’s your spouse. Just as studies show, easier penetration without a condom is possible. 


Written piece by:

Dr. O.B.A Adesina


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